TUCSON, Ariz. - When the heavy hammer fell on Las Vegas promoter Shawn Scott late last week and the New York Racing and Wagering Board denied him and his chief lieutenant and convicted felon Hoolae Paoa licenses to operate in the state, Robert Burns and John Phillips came to mind.

You know Burns, who wrote, more than 200 years ago, that "the best laid schemes o' mice and men gang aft a-gley." I'll tell you about John Phillips in a minute.

"This isn't just a thousand-to-one shot. This is a professional blood sport, and it can happen to you. Then it can happen again."
- from the movie "Le Mans"

INGLEWOOD, Calif. - Okay, let's see who's been paying attention.

If a thousand-pound racehorse traveling in a northbound direction at a speed of 35 miles per hour trips and falls, what is the air-speed velocity of the 100-pound jockey formerly attached to that racehorse, and who picks up her mount in the eighth?

INGLEWOOD, Calif. - The recent death of Our Mims brought to an end a tale of timely rescue and noble retirement that should serve as a lesson for anyone who cares about the animals who make the racing game possible.

TUCSON, Ariz. - For the first time anyone could remember, there were security guards posted at the doors to the ballrooms where the open meetings of the 30th Annual Symposium on Racing were being held this week, demanding to see attendees' official name tags certifying that they were official and paid-up participants.

WASHINGTON - I received an e-mail recently from a fellow horseplayer who informed me that he had uncovered a "stone cold cert" - British for "sure thing."

It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas at Aqueduct on Friday, and not just because the horses in the first race were dashing through the snow before the rest of the card and the entire Saturday program were canceled. Published reports in two newspapers suggested that Christmas may come early for New York racing this year in the form of a long-awaited deal between federal prosecutors and the New York Racing Association.

INGLEWOOD, Calif. - It was over before you knew it, like an old Mike Tyson fight, except without the biting.

NEW YORK - I feel I'm the luckiest feller in the world. I fell in love with racing 50 years ago and have had the glorious opportunity of making it my life's work.

Now, at 75, I'm retiring. I no longer have the physical strength necessary to do a proper job. But my strong feeling for racing remains, and I will continue to enjoy it from the sidelines.

JOE HIRSCH began writing about Thoroughbred racing for Daily Racing Form and its sister publication, The Morning Telegraph, in 1954. His articles read like a history of the sport for the last half century, with many datelines that are sadly gone from racing's lexicon. It would be impractical to print all of Joe's columns. But in the occasion of his final submission as executive columnist, here is a chance to read excerpts of Joe's work from his six decades on the job. The excerpts were selected by researcher Paula Welch, who reviewed hundreds of pages from the two newspapers.

INGLEWOOD, Calif. - If your first brush with baseball came at the sixth game of the 1975 World Series between the Red Sox and the Yankees, you have a pretty good idea of how Laura de Seroux must feel. Subsequent experience, no matter the quality, tends toward the anticlimactic.