01/30/2015 2:14PM

Hovdey: Some suggestions for a horse with no name

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Although a good name will not make a horse run faster or farther, that does not stop Thoroughbred owners from burning the midnight oil in search of just the right combination of words and letters to lay upon freshly turned 2-year-olds. The deadline for early naming of registered foals of 2013 is Sunday.

Midnight Oil is already taken. So is Texas Red, the name attached to the 2014 Breeders’ Cup Juvenile winner, who comes out as a 3-year-old in the San Vicente Stakes at Santa Anita on Sunday. And Jitterbug, out of the mare Hay Let’s Dance, who won for a tag at Laurel on Thursday.

But there are plenty of names left, including the 46,344 released from captivity by The Jockey Club in December that previously had been used by horses from the not-so-distant past, or names reserved by an owner but then abandoned.

There are 17 ways in which The Jockey Club can turn down a submitted name. The most popular, and probably most often used, are No. 10 (names that are suggestive or have a vulgar or obscene meaning; names considered in poor taste; or names that may be offensive to religious, political, or ethnic groups) and No. 11 (names that appear to be designed to harass, humiliate or disparage a specific individual, group of individuals, or entity).

This accounts for bad taste. Unfortunately, there is no requirement of creativity, which is what racing fans truly appreciate, and what owners should be obligated to attempt. There will be around 23,000 foals of 2013 who need to be called something. Hopefully, none of their owners avail themselves of such names on the released list as R Easy Goer, Findee’s Keepee’s, and Wantabmadonna (although Wannabe Eliot Ness has a certain ring).

If I were the king of the forest (name unavailable), I would have only four simple naming rules to enforce, to wit (unavailable):

◗ Don’t gross out grandma.

◗ Don’t mess with Denman, Collmus, and their fellow announcers.

◗ Resist using the part of the name of the sire and part of the name of the dam unless you can promise you’ll come up with a colt as good as Foolish Pleasure or a mare like Dubai Majesty.

◗ Make it easy to spell, which means spell it right (thank you, Plugged Nickle).

The late W.T. Young was notorious for plundering (unavailable) his world atlas to come up with horse names that had some heft. He would be glad to see that among the names on the released list are Quebec, Azusa, Point Dume, North Carolina, Salinas, Montauk, Israel, and my favorite, Kwajalein, a godforsaken atoll in the Marshall Islands where my father was stationed during World War II.

“Notorious” is unavailable, but there are plenty of other names on the released list that tap into movie madness. They include Ishtar, Gaslight, Blue Velvet, Bronco Billy, and Amistad. There is also Clemenza, Fay Wray, Django (the “d” is silent), Jack Ryan, Jack Sparrow, and Obi Wan Kenobi. And Stooges Three.

Musical notes are prominent on the list. How about a horse called Simply Red, Cream, Kind of Blue, Expecting to Fly, Wham, Kristofferson, or Phish? Short and punchy is also popular: Ado, Crush, Ether, Feared, Aloha, Winter, or just plain Oh. And the literary angle is not neglected on the released list of possibles, offering a choice of classics like Fail Safe, Farewell to Arms, Saint Jack, and Farewell My Lovely, among others.

At some point, a horse was named, or about to be named, and can still be named Carrot Top, Captain Nemo, General Nuisance, Nicky Soup, or Sugar Bum. The list includes Davy Jones, January Jones, Daniel Boone, or Mr. Bond, and a whole family of neighborhood kids called Freddy Finger, Frankie Southpaw, and Freckles O’Brien. Once on a roll, namers sometimes get in a rhythm – Half Crazy, Half Hot, Half Empty – then eventually go completely off the rails with the likes of Hog Heaven, Horse Thief, Bad Bet, Get Dirty, Get Even, No Joke, Section Eight, and Doctor Bubbles.

Horse names get recycled often, but the champions and Hall of Famers are protected for all time, as well as all winners of the Jockey Club Gold Cup (go figure). The names of major stakes winners can be reused after 25 years, which is why the released list includes Balzac, Stonewalk, Fitzwilliam Place, Claire Marine, Batroyale, and Akureyri.

Putting a horse and a name together is no easy task, given that there are so many names from which to choose, and so many of them are clunkers. There will only be one Man o’ War, one Swaps, one Citation, but those names could have been available if the colts in question had not panned out. I’ve got my favorites on the list, topped by Ransack, Shadows, Snuff Box, Pink Cadillac, and Little Sister.

That leaves more than 46,000 left, plus the rest of the English language. Did I mention Billy Baroo is still on the list? Someone, please grab it now.

Steve Wilson More than 1 year ago
I would name mine "Bad News", in the hope he would travel fast!
Ken Wiener More than 1 year ago
It is indeed fun to name a horse but it's no fun when a horse you think you have given a creative name can't run a lick!
Judith Van Doren More than 1 year ago
Have noticed so many horses with names that were obviously picked as a last resort. I do not think a lot of owners who buy unnamed horses, or breeders who name the horses they foal, really take too much time. Yes, be picky. Go back thru 7 generations. i.e. filly I named Forli Rose, by Hugenout. Had Forli in 2nd generation and Princequillo / Rose Prince in 5th. I liked Forli Rose, so did a lot of others.
Slew32A More than 1 year ago
So if names can't be vulgar then how did they slip " Rip the rubber off" through?
TEDK215 More than 1 year ago
dontgetonmeifurgonnazapme , ah, to long.
TEDK215 More than 1 year ago
maybe.......unzapable.
Sandy Scott More than 1 year ago
THESE R THE NAMES I GAVE THEM SO SOME IM SURE BY NOW R IN USE, F Kitten's Joy - Anura- PassionFruitkitty C Kitten's Joy - Atlantic Beauty-Alantic Quest F Talent Search - Bail Out Kitten- Search The Bail F Midnight Lute - Ballade's Girl- Dust To Dawn C Kitten's Joy - Becky Loves Silver- Joy Of Silver F Kitten's Joy - Bingo Queen- Sequence Treasure C Kitten's Joy - Blackeyed Pea- Pea In A Pod C Kitten's Joy - Blue Holiday- RenaZar F Kitten's Joy - Britt's Sweetheart- Joys Of A sweetheart C Kitten's Joy - Celestial Woods- Foggy Forest F Curlin - Cherokee Probe- Royal Witness C Kitten's Joy - Chianti Red- ChantiJoy C Cape Blanco - Crumbs of Comfort- Fashionable Comfort C Kitten's Joy - Decisive- Decisive Measure C Kitten's Joy - Divertimento- Amused By Joy F Midnight Lute - Draxhall Jump- Midnight Jumper F Eskendereya - Easy Slam- Plum Candles C Kitten's Joy - Elusive Champagne- ChampagneOnIce C Kitten's Joy - Exceedexpectations- Exspecting Joy F Kitten's Joy - Far Isle- Isles Of Treasure C Kitten's Joy - Fleeting Humor- Humoring Kitty F Kitten's Joy - Fupegs Delight- FuFu F Kitten's Joy - Go Cherokee Go- Youthful Girl C Kitten's Joy - Granny Broughton- Precious Symbol C Kitten's Joy - Granny Ramsey- Special Mom F Kitten's Joy - Great Doxology- Great Beyond F Kitten's Joy - Her Royal Nibs- Kitty Nibblets F Kitten's Joy - High Chant- Heavens High Above F Eskendereya - Imagistic- Influential C Kitten's Joy - Imari (JPN)- Mizuki C Flower Alley - Indyan Lisa- Conquering Quest F Curlin - Iteration- Repeating Rose C Bluegrass Cat - Just For Keeps- Sophisticated Cat C Kitten's Joy - Keeping Watch- Keeping The Joy C Kitten's Joy - La Coruna- HoneyBee Runa C Bluegrass Cat - Laca- Historic Flare C Talent Search - Landlubber- Conquering Roman C Tapit - Last Kitten- Tapping Telsa C Midnight Lute - Littlebitoflove- Midnight LoveBug F Kitten's Joy - Lively Lexi- RaginRiverJoy F Kitten's Joy - Lone Tigress- Noble Pleasure C Eskendereya - Love Runs Deep- Rumble Rivers F Kitten's Joy - Magicalcarpetride- Magical Secret C Midnight Lute - Mambo With G- MamboLute F Kitten's Joy - Menifeeque- Rettas Joy F Misremembered - Missy Wildcat- Myrtle Mirage F Kitten's Joy - Money Huntress- Historic Surprise C Kitten's Joy - Mortgage the House- Limit The Money F Kitten's Joy - No Speed Limit- Limits Of A Kitten F Majestic Warrior - On Broadway- Roman Warrior Girl C Curlin - One Lucky Storm- Curl The Storm C Eskendereya - Personal Odyssey- Charming Odyssey F Kitten's Joy - Prime Silver- SilverStarsAndLace C Kitten's Joy - Queen Stephanie- Freedom Crown F Kitten's Joy - Queen's Causeway- KittyCauseway F Kitten's Joy - Reachinfortheheavens- HeavensSent C Flower Alley - San Michele- SunbeamAlley F Kitten's Joy - Shaaraat- Conquering Chant F Kitten's Joy - Shining Jewel- SilverAndStones F Eskendereya - Single Goer- RumbleTumble C Kitten's Joy - Smart Trade- JoysOfTrade C Kitten's Joy - Solar Storm- Gratify The Storm C Kitten's Joy - Southern Alibi- SmittyTheKitty C Badge of Silver - Spectaculare Tale- Silver Realm F Kitten's Joy - Spine Tingling- Soaring Mississippi F Bluegrass Cat - Steel Millie- Steel The Sunshine F Kitten's Joy - Stylish Ways- Only One Way F Talent Search - Sunday Sport- Search The Sports C Kitten's Joy - Sungold Sally- Sandstone Blues C Kitten's Joy - Surpriseinthebox- Sugar Surprise C Kitten's Joy - Talking Treasure- Joys Of Treasure C Kitten's Joy - Tantamount- Forest Colony F Kitten's Joy - Thunderous Song- Lightning Strong F Kitten's Joy - Time Stood Still- StillTheWaters F Kitten's Joy - Transformation- ChangingPace C Kitten's Joy - Treasured Song- BugginAround C Talent Search - Union Kitten- State Of Union F Quality Road - Vibration- Quality Spirit F Kitten's Joy - Vouchsafe- Safe Realm C Kitten's Joy - Waki Affair- Enchanted Affair F Kitten's Joy - Wise Impression- Reality Smiles
scott More than 1 year ago
nice work.... great list!
David Oppedisano More than 1 year ago
Some are too long. Max is18 letters and spaces.
Sandy Scott More than 1 year ago
the ramsey farm had 69 to name so they ask on fb the name game, well i sat down that evening and submitted 69 names to them. woohooo maybe one day i can help someone... i love doing it.. and yes i checked in JC to make sure none of the names was already in use or reserved
Gary Peacock More than 1 year ago
"Epstein's Mother." She had an excuse for any occasion.
Collette Stewart More than 1 year ago
I would name my horse, "Random Factor" . What better name for a racehorse ???
Collette Stewart More than 1 year ago
The name I would choose is " Random Factor" , it is such a fitting name for a racehorse.